Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
