Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
