I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
