he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
