I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
