well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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