I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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