you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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