Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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