I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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