I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
