You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
