The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm passing your future prison.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize