On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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