Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
