Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
