I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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