I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
