I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize