for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
