I love black thongs
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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