if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
