my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
