im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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