There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
