So many bounce houses so little time
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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