Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
