my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
