As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
