Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
