im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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