My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
