the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Who died my cat blue again?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
