i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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