Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
