you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
