I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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