Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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