well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
