I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
