He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You may now shotgun with the bride
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
