But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
