she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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