New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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