She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
