Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
