I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
