FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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