So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
