People with herpes should wear stickers.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
