I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
