I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
