i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
