i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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