i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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