break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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