hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
