Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
