apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
