New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize