he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
