whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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