I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
