my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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