once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
