Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
