I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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