My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
