those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
