You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
