I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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