Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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