I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
