she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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