In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
