Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well I just put wine in my tea
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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