i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
