Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hippo gnu deer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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