Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
