she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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