i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
