I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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