Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Drake has all the answers
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
