yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
