yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Randomize
