I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
