Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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