dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
