Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
