All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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