The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
