i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
