yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
