just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
