Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
