About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
